


spiritual revolt (from the waist down)

by leere



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-16 01:25:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14153670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leere/pseuds/leere
Summary: Cartman finds Kyle's secret stash...and it's not weed. (Written for the SP Kink Meme revival.)





	spiritual revolt (from the waist down)

**Author's Note:**

> anonymous asked: Back in middle school, Cartman gave Kyle a vibrator for his birthday just to fuck with him (cuz he's a repressed little fuck). Flash forward several years, and (surprise, surprise) Kyle is stumbling to the bathroom to grab a rag so neither of them end up covered in dry cum. Meanwhile, Cartman starts nosing around in Kyle's night table drawer only to stumble upon the joke gift lying innocently among a collection of half empty lube bottles.
> 
> -
> 
> They brought back the kink meme! I'm fucking psyched! I'm working on a bunch of other fills, but they're getting kinda long, so I figured I'd do this little guy real fast c: I posted it on Tumblr earlier, but I edited something just now 'cause it was bothering me, so it's slightly different from the version posted on there. 
> 
> Title's from Fall Out Boy.

“Fucking gross, dude!” Kyle calls from the bathroom, and Cartman hears him start the water up. Of course Kyle has to shower post-fuck. Fucking weirdo. “You got it in my hair!”

“Sorry!” Cartman replies, even though he’s not remotely apologetic.

The redhead returns with a soaked washcloth in hand and assesses his lover, who’s sprawled out on his bed, hands folded behind his head, grinning smugly. 

Kyle shakes his head. “I can’t believe of all the eligible bachelors in South Park, I ended up with  _you_.” He tosses the rag to Cartman, who makes no effort to catch it. It lands on his chest with a wet _plop!_

“Ow,” Cartman says, but he sits up and gets to cleaning himself off. He eyes Kyle, who’s still standing in the doorway, naked, with his arms crossed over his skinny chest. “And you’re showering why?”

“‘Cause I’m fucking dirty. Can I trust you alone in my room?”

“I won’t mess with your shit. Cross my heart.”

Kyle purses his lips at him, but turns and heads back into the bathroom. Cartman watches his ass as he goes and lays back again, letting himself revel in post-coital glory. He feels triumphant. The rag lays forgotten beside him, probably dampening Kyle’s sheets.

The sound of the shower running becomes muffled when Kyle closes the door, and Cartman immediately looks around to see if there’s anything interesting to be found. He’s feeling decidedly lazy, so he has no intention of getting up anytime soon, but that doesn’t stop him from exploring with just his eyes.

Nothing much. Same old desk with half-finished government homework on it, same nerdy books on Judaism and philosophy and history on his shelves, same video games they’ve played a hundred times.

Then something catches his attention. Peeking out from beneath the TV stand, is what looks like a Nike shoe box. Probably belonging to the red sneakers Kyle wears in gym class.

 _Holy shit_ , Cartman thinks, because he’s found it; after years of looking, he’s found Kyle’s secret stash of goodies. Everyone had one, but Cartman, for all his sneaking in and out of Kyle’s room, had never been able to find it before. Kyle had clearly hidden it very well up until now, but something must have gotten in the way recently, and he’d been forced to hurriedly conceal it in a more visible location. 

 _Fucking awesome_.

He stands, with some effort, and goes to crouch by the TV stand. He pulls the box out, holding his breath. The lid’s on, obscuring whatever’s inside, but it feels pretty hefty. He shakes it lightly. There’s something big and heavy inside, coupled with several smaller and lighter objects. He’s hoping it’s a bowl and some baggies of weed. It sure would be funny to find out that South Park’s golden child was secretly a pothead. That’d be good blackmail, too, if he ever needed to use it.

Gleefully, he gets to his feet and returns to the bed. He climbs onto it and sits comfortably, the box between his legs. He’s still naked, but it’s no bother. 

He opens it, filled with jubilant anticipation. Inside is, unsurprisingly, a wad of cash, an essay with a big red F on top, and a Playgirl magazine. But, more interestingly, there's also a large purple dildo, surrounded with several used bottles of lube. Cartman laughs, feeling absolutely delighted. It was even better than he’d hoped! 

He lifts it and inspects it, and is thrilled to find it’s actually a vibrator.  _Holy shit!_

And then, suddenly, he recognizes it. It was the same one him and Kenny had bought Kyle for his thirteenth birthday. It’d been an innocent joke, done purely for laughs. Cartman had remarked that they should “totally get Kahl’s gay ass a dildo or something”, and Kenny had giddily agreed and purchased it from Spencer’s that day, with Cartman’s money, of course. Kyle had blushed like crazy when they’d presented it to him the next day during lunch. Cartman had just assumed he’d thrown it out immediately.

He waits another three minutes for the shower to turn off, and holds it up for Kyle to see when he reenters the room. 

Kyle’s toweling off his hair, head down, and saying, “Did you see that one docume-” before stopping once he lifts his head and catches sight of what Cartman’s got in his hand. “Ah, fuck,” he says, and his cheeks are already flushed from the shower, but they begin to darker further from embarrassment.

“You absolute slut!” Cartman says fondly. “You kept it!”

“I kept it,” Kyle rolls his eyes. He’s got a towel wrapped around his skinny waist, and he’s not particularly well-built, but still, the sight of water dripping from his under-developed pecs is something to behold. There’s a sleek beauty to his lanky awkward physique, and Cartman has to stare into his eyes for fear of drooling over his lean body. “Big fucking deal, dude.”

“Yeah,  _big_  fucking deal. This thing’s, what? Eight inches?” Cartman grins manically, waving it around. “Bigger than me! Am I not gonna be able to satisfy you, Kahl? Fucking size queen. Makes me feel guilty. I’m gonna lose my man to a well-endowed chunk of latex, aren’t I?”

“No way,” Kyle says, going over to his closet and pulling a purple t shirt off a hanger. “You’re high maintenance, but you’re flesh and bone. You’re the real thing. That makes you automatically better than any rubber substitute.” He pulls the shirt on over his head, and fixes Cartman with a patronizing smirk. “And it’s silicone, dumbass. I’m allergic to latex.”

“Of course you are.” Cartman looks down at the vibe and regards it thoughtfully. “Hey, can I use this on you sometime? Maybe?”

Kyle laughs, shakes his head, and goes to leave again. “I gotta get product in my hair so it doesn’t look ridiculous. I’ll be right back.”

“Answer the question, Kahl!” Cartman calls after him.

“Sure, whatever!”

“Yeah? I’m holding you to that!”

“Yeah, yeah!” Kyle answers, and Cartman smiles.


End file.
